The Two Sides of Perfectionism.
Did you know that perfectionism is actually more complicated than it seems? When you hear the word “perfectionism”, what image or feeling comes up for you? Maybe you’re imagining someone who’s working late hours at their office cubicle close to ripping their hair out because they’ve been thinking about how to word their last email of the day for the past 2 hours. Or, maybe you’re imagining an immaculately dressed person that doesn’t have a hair out of place and looks as cool as a cucumber on the surface, seemingly having it all together.
Perfectionism traits and behaviours look different from person to person. With that said, you’ll find that you may tend to fit into two different catagories of perfectionism - adaptive or maladaptive.
Which side are you on?
Before you start worrying which side you might be on, know that like a lot of things in life, perfectionism is a spectrum. There is also no “good” or “bad” side. There are just some traits that may be more helpful (or unhelpful) for you on your journey towards your goals.
As you look at the differences between the two types of perfectionism, do you feel like you tip into one category more so than the other? Or do you find you’re an equal mix of both?
It’s understandable to want to always perform your best and give it your all; whether it’s in your career, your relationships, or even your physical appearance. But it’s important to remember that we cannot be perfect.
The beautiful thing about humanity is the messiness of the journey - not perfection. It’s the moments of peace and quiet that we notice between the ups and the downs. It’s the cries and laughs we share with loved ones and in moments no one else is witness. It’s the ability to be vulnerable and allow others to hold you when you need to be held, because you deserve to be loved.
Finding relief from the discomfort
If you’re reading this and you find yourself as more of a “maladaptive perfectionist”, I see you. I’ve been you (still am sometimes). Relief begins with acknowledging that unhelpful perfectionist traits are getting in the way of you living the life you imagine.
Here are some ways to start the journey towards excellence, not unattainable perfection:
Practice self-care activities
Have a self-compassion break
Focus on your strengths
Practice enjoying the process, not the outcome
Challenge your negative thoughts
Focus on your character, not accomplishments
Take your first step towards becoming more productive, more empowered, and feeling good. As someone who’s helped countless ambitious achievers find relief from “maladaptive perfectionism”, I’ll work with you towards feeling more peace, freedom, and compassion. You deserve to feel good and enjoy life - you don’t have to do it alone.
Learn more about Perfectionism Treatment.
Me Again Collective is an Ontario based virtual therapy practice for adults. We treat anxiety, burnout, self-esteem, perfectionism and more and offer psychotherapy that is collaborative, empathetic and effective. If you are ready to feel freedom, relief, and fulfilment book a free consultation with Me Again Collective HERE
Research:Haynos, A. F., Utzinger, L. M., Lavender, J. M., Crosby, R. D., Cao, L., Peterson, C. B., Crow, S. J., Wonderlich, S. A., Engel, S. G., Mitchell, J. E., Le Grange, D., & Goldschmidt, A. B. (2018). Subtypes of Adaptive and Maladaptive Perfectionism in Anorexia Nervosa: Associations with Eating Disorder and Affective Symptoms. Journal of psychopathology and behavioral assessment, 40(4), 691–700. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10862-018-9672-8
About the Author
Jackie Ponomariov, MSW, RSW, is the founder of Me Again Collective. She loves working with ambitious professionals, entrepreneurs, and high-achievers and specializes in CBT, DBT, and Somatic therapies.
