From Numbness to Healing: How to Actually Feel Your Feelings.
If you've ever been told to "just let it go" or "move on from your emotions," you know how difficult it can be to ignore or brush aside intense feelings. Our society often encourages us to push through challenging emotions, but learning how to feel your feelings is one of the healthiest practices for mental wellness. Emotions are a natural part of life, and when we learn how to feel our feelings in a healthy way, we build resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-compassion. Let’s dive into how to embrace and fully process your emotions for a happier, healthier you.
Why Do We Avoid Our Feelings? Understanding Emotional Avoidance
In our fast-paced world, ignoring our feelings can seem like a smart strategy to "keep moving forward." We often think there’s no time to deal with sadness, frustration, or worry, and we fear that confronting difficult emotions will only make them stronger. But research shows that avoiding emotions often leads to emotional distress, anxiety, and even physical symptoms. By learning how to embrace our emotions instead of resisting them, we can improve mental wellness and emotional resilience.
Avoiding feelings can sometimes feel like a protective strategy, but it often has the opposite effect. Emotions act as messengers, and when ignored, they can intensify or linger. Learning to face emotions allows them to move through us more naturally, preventing long-term emotional distress.
Step 1: Name Your Emotions to Improve Emotional Awareness
The first step in learning how to feel your feelings is to name what you’re feeling. Identifying and labeling your emotions can increase self-awareness and give you a better sense of control over your mental state. Studies have shown that naming emotions, such as “anger,” “sadness,” or “fear,” can reduce their intensity and help you process them.
If you’re unsure what you’re feeling, try using a list of common emotions or a feelings wheel to help you pinpoint it. Sometimes we experience secondary emotions, which are emotional reactions to our initial feelings. For example, you might feel angry because underneath, you’re really feeling hurt or disappointed. This simple practice of labeling emotions can improve emotional intelligence and is a healthy habit to increase mental well-being.
Step 2: Notice How Your Emotions Show Up in Your Body
Did you know that many of our emotions are linked to physical sensations? Practicing emotional awareness involves tuning into the body and noticing where emotions manifest physically. When we learn to recognize these physical signs—such as tension in the shoulders, heaviness in the chest, or butterflies in the stomach—we build a stronger connection between body and mind.
To help with this, try placing a hand on the area where you feel tension or discomfort. Breathe deeply, focusing on relaxing that area, and allow yourself to stay present with the sensation. This exercise can be particularly helpful for managing stress and emotional discomfort. Emotional and physical awareness go hand-in-hand, and this mind-body connection is a crucial component of healthy emotional regulation.
Step 3: Allow Yourself to Feel Without Judgment
Learning how to process emotions involves allowing yourself to feel without trying to fix or change anything. This can be challenging, especially if the emotion is intense or uncomfortable. However, by letting go of judgment and simply observing the feeling, you allow it to move through you rather than getting “stuck.”
Imagine emotions as waves that rise and fall. When we stop resisting and let the wave flow through us, we process feelings more effectively. Deep breathing exercises or guided meditation can help create a safe space for you to explore difficult emotions in a non-judgmental way. Developing a non-judgmental attitude toward your feelings is an essential aspect of emotional resilience and self-compassion.
Step 4: Practice Self-Compassion and Kindness Toward Yourself
When learning how to feel your feelings, self-compassion is key. Self-compassion involves treating yourself with the same kindness you would offer a loved one. This gentle, caring approach makes it easier to sit with difficult emotions and recognize that it’s okay to struggle sometimes.
Research on self-compassion shows that it’s one of the healthiest practices for reducing stress and improving mental wellness. When you feel overwhelmed, try speaking to yourself with comforting words, like, “It’s okay to feel this way,” or “I’m here for myself during this tough time.” Practicing self-compassion builds emotional resilience and improves your overall mental health.
Step 5: Reflect Without Overthinking to Improve Emotional Resilience
Reflecting on your emotions can provide valuable insights into your needs, boundaries, and relationships. However, it’s essential to distinguish between gentle reflection and rumination, or overthinking. Reflection allows you to learn from your emotions, while rumination keeps you stuck in repetitive thought patterns.
Consider journaling to explore what your emotions are trying to tell you. Journaling can be especially helpful for processing emotions and gaining clarity on why certain situations trigger specific feelings. This practice improves emotional intelligence, self-awareness, and resilience.
The Benefits of Learning How to Feel Your Feelings
Fully feeling your feelings has a range of benefits for both mental and physical health. Studies have shown that emotional regulation and processing can reduce stress, anxiety, and physical symptoms related to suppressed emotions. Learning to feel your feelings enhances self-awareness, improves relationships, and fosters a greater sense of peace and acceptance.
By taking time to name, notice, allow, and reflect on your feelings, you build emotional resilience and gain confidence in your ability to handle life’s ups and downs. Practicing self-compassion and self-care along the way creates a foundation for long-term emotional wellness and personal growth.
Final Thoughts: Embrace the Journey of Emotional Awareness
Feeling your feelings isn’t always easy, but it’s a powerful step toward greater emotional intelligence and mental wellness. By learning to sit with your emotions, practice self-compassion, and explore the lessons behind each feeling, you nurture a healthier, more balanced relationship with yourself.
So the next time a challenging emotion surfaces, take a deep breath and let it flow with the understanding that your healthy coping skills will help you regulate when necessary. Embracing your emotions is one of the most profound ways to support your mental health, emotional resilience, and overall well-being.
Journaling Prompts Exercise - Take a moment to consider the following questions and reflect:
Q: Think of a recent situation that stirred up strong emotions. What happened in that moment, and what thoughts or memories did it bring up for me? How did I initially react, and what might this reveal about my needs or boundaries?"
Q: "What emotion am I feeling today that I might be resisting or avoiding? If I let this emotion simply exist without trying to change it, what does it feel like? How does it shift as I sit with it for a few moments?"
Q: "When I think about a challenging feeling, where do I notice tension or sensations in my body? If I focus on that area and breathe deeply, does it change or ease? How does tuning into my body impact my awareness of the emotion?"
Me Again Collective is a Toronto, Ontario based therapy practice specialized in treating trauma, anxiety, ADHD, burnout, self-esteem, and more. We offer psychotherapy that is collaborative, compassionate and trauma-informed. If you are ready to feel freedom, relief, and fulfilment, book a free 15 consultation with us HERE
ReferencesHames, J. L., Hagan, C. R., & Joiner, T. E. (2013). "Interpersonal processes in depression." Psychology and Aging, 28(1), 239-245.Lieberman, M. D., Eisenberger, N. I., Crockett, M. J., Tom, S. M., Pfeifer, J. H., & Way, B. M. (2007). "Putting feelings into words: affect labeling disrupts amygdala activity in response to affective stimuli." Psychological Science, 18(5), 421-428.Nummenmaa, L., Glerean, E., Hari, R., & Hietanen, J. K. (2014). "Bodily maps of emotions." Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(2), 646-651.Neff, K. D. (2003). "Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself." Self and Identity, 2(2), 85-101.Tugade, M. M., & Fredrickson, B. L. (2004). "Resilient individuals use positive emotions to bounce back from negative emotional experiences." Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 86(2), 320-333.
About The Author
Jackie Ponomariov, MSW, RSW, is the founder of Me Again Collective. She loves to help young adults quiet the chaos, feel less anxiety, build confidence, and feel more control over their own lives and specializes in EMDR, Somatic Therapy, DBT, Hypnosis, & more.
