How to Advocate For Yourself at Work.
You are not alone if you have ever felt like you haven’t been heard at work or by others, felt too nervous to voice your opinion, or speak up when you feel you have been wronged.
Being able to talk about your needs openly and honestly can be tough. You might worry about coming off as too aggressive or as a troublemaker for voicing a different opinion. Maybe you are concerned that others will misunderstand you, judge you unfairly, or feel criticized.
Whatever the reason may be, feeling like you are unable to freely voice your opinions, state your concerns, or have anyone take you seriously can be frustrating and isolating.
Women usually have a harder time with self-advocacy than men do for various complex reasons. Because of societal norms, women are stereotypically expected to be more agreeable, modest, and soft spoken than their male counterparts.
Gender stereotypes, discrimination, and microaggressions toward women can exist in the workplace and put up a barrier for many women who want to speak up but feel too unsafe to do so in fear of losing their income, their careers, or their financial security.
The Passive-Assertive-Aggressive Spectrum - Why Assertive Communication is Important.
Communicating assertively means expressing what you want to say clearly, calmly, and confidently without being too passive or too aggressive.
Assertive individuals are also able to make choices that are in line with their personal values.
Sometimes, we can fall into a more passive (doing or saying nothing) response or an aggressive (anger and verbal attacks) response when communicating. Assertive and aggressive are not the same.
Like all skills, being assertive and learning to advocate for yourself is a skill that can be mastered over time with practice. Assertive communication is important because it can increase confidence, self-respect, and self-esteem.
Practice, Practice, Practice.
Start with small situations to advocate for yourself. This can look like communicating in the group chat that you will be unreachable past 5pm each day or only on certain days, give authentic positive feedback, etc.
When you feel more comfortable doing that, you can move onto harder situations such as giving feedback that is constructive, expressing opinions that differ from the group, and setting boundaries with your boss in 1:1 calls around projects, expectations, etc.
With time you will find that it becomes easier and less anxiety inducing to advocate for yourself, set boundaries, communicate effectively, etc.
Visualize.
This is a strategy that is commonly used amongst high pressure performers such as athletes, business owners, public speakers, etc.
Visualization is a powerful tool to enhance focus, decrease anxiety and stress, and feel more confident. In situation where you have a 1:1 coming up with your boss, performance review, etc.
You can make a list of what you would like to cover in that meeting and mentally rehearse how you would like it to go. Imagine sitting in your bosses room or waiting in the Zoom waiting room and imagine step by step how you would like to feel, what you will say, and play out different scenarios that can occur and ways to navigate them.
By doing this over and over, you’re training your brain to become more effective in being able to handle that particular situation and any unexpected situations that may come up.
Identify and Lean on Your Allies.
Is there anyone at work who you know or think would support you when you stand up for yourself at work?
Even if it’s just one person, these people can help you practice what to say, how to approach the conversation, and back you up if needed. If you don’t have someone like this yet, think about any employees in your workplace who have expressed the same concerns and feelings as you and share the same values.
Maybe this is someone who has said that work-life balance can be improved during an all team meeting or someone who has brought up the same views you share on something.
Create an opportunity to connect with them and keep them in your ‘allies circle’.
Journaling Prompts Exercise - Take a moment to consider the following questions and reflect:
Q. Has there ever been a time where you have felt too nervous to speak up? Describe how you felt and why.
Q. Have there ever been times where you feel like you have been ignored or your views have been dismissed? Take a moment to describe how you reacted and why. What could you have done differently to be more assertive?
Q. Take some time to revisit the Passive-Assertive-Aggressive spectrum chart. Where do you think you fall onto the scale? What are some things you might do differently to help you increase your assertiveness?
Learn more about Self-Esteem Therapy and how it can help with building communication skills.
Me Again Collective is an Ontario based virtual therapy practice for adults. We treat anxiety, burnout, self-esteem, perfectionism and more and offer psychotherapy that is collaborative, empathetic and effective. If you are ready to feel freedom, relief, and fulfilment book a free consultation with Me Again Collective HERE
ReferencesEpstein, N. (1980). Social consequences of assertion, aggression, passive aggression, and submission: Situational and dispositional determinants. Behavior Therapy, 11(5), 662-669.
About the Author
Jackie Ponomariov, MSW, RSW, is the founder of Me Again Collective. She loves working with driven and ambitious professionals and specializes in CBT, DBT, and somatic therapies.
