You Will Feel Stuck Until You Make This One Mindset Shift.
A common phrase you may have heard at some point in your life is “you either have it or you don’t” - what the hell does that even mean?
There is a belief that you’re born with certain types of traits such as intelligence, talent, personality, etc. While there is research evidence to show that traits such as the ones listed tend to be stable, that doesn’t mean they never change.
Take a moment to think back to the person you were 5 years ago. I’d bet you $100 that you’ll be able to pick out at least one massive internal change/development you’ve experienced in that time since. You might even think of yourself as a completely different person now. We never stop changing and growing, externally obviously, but also internally.
The mindset with which we choose to live our life can have a huge influence on either further facilitating these changes and improvements, or hindering them.
Fixed Vs. Growth Mindset. What Does it Mean?
A fixed mindset believes that you are born the way you are and there’s no changing that. Someone with a fixed mindset believes that traits, characteristics, etc. are permanent and static. They see failure as a defeat.
Someone with a growth mindset believe that they are ever changing and dynamic. With training, experience, and perserverance they can improve and even change their skills throughout their life. They see failure as a way to grow.
Below is an example of the differences in mindset:
Why a Growth Mindset Matters.
It’s possible to go from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. It may feel uncomfortable at first, but with some patience and a lot of compassion, you too can start to practice the skill of seeking out growth in all things.
This is important because a growth mindset can help us navigate feelings of ‘stuckness’ in our lives. With a fixed mindset, there is nothing beyond or striving for more, you’re constantly hitting a wall in someway and feeling defeat. With a growth mindset, you are always looking for ways to improve no matter the result - there is always something more.
I’ve worked with a number of entrepreneurs in therapy and one thing I commonly hear is intense fear around taking necessary business risks, fear of failing to reach goals, and the worry that they’re not cut out for leadership. With practice, we work on the skills to challenge these fears and beliefs and start to feel safety in the understanding that you have what it takes to survive and thrive with the resources you already have within you.
Carol Dweck, world renowned clinical psychologist and researcher, has done a lot of research around the growth and fixed mindset. Her book called Mindset: The New Psychology of Success (I recommend this book to all of my clients and you can buy it here: https://amzn.to/46wM8Ev), talks about how those who practice a growth mindset are more successful, resilient, and have a higher level of well-being than those with a fixed mindset. The important thing to note is that a growth mindset can be developed and taught.
How to Develop a Growth Mindset.
Believe you can and you will
okay, so this is not technically 100% accurate. There may be many instances where even if you believe in yourself to achieve something, you may have failed and not recieved the outcome you strived for. When I say that “you will”, I mean that even in the face of failure, you have faith in yourself to do what you can and learn from the outcome and apply that experience to the future. Carol Dweck (remember that psychologist I mentioned earlier?) describes this as the “power of yet”. Dweck mentions that in a study she conducted, she gave a group of 10-year olds a set of problems that were too hard for their grade level. She noticed that once they got the results back, students reacted in two ways. They either adopted a growth mindset and replied with statements such as “I love a challenge” or they adopted a fixed mindset and replied with statements such as “I already failed, what’s the point?”. The fixed mindset kids said that the next time they take the test, they’ll probably cheat or feel better about themselves by talking to someone who did worse than they did. Scientists measured the level of electrical brain activity in these two groups and the kids that had a fixed mindset had hardly any activity in the brain when faced with a challenge, the opposite was true for the growth mindset group. Safe to say, your mindset is a powerful factor on your brain development as well.
Here is the link to the video that talks more about the “power of yet”: https://youtu.be/hiiEeMN7vbQ?si=sAXCvu3eIYkV8tk8
Challenge your negative self-talk and beliefs
Do you find that you’re hard on yourself? More often than not, we can be our biggest critics. But, when we notice our inner voice constantly beating ourselves down, it can feel difficult to want to grow or know how to begin the process.
Notice how your inner voice speaks to you. There is typically a pattern in what we hear. Is your inner voice supporting a fixed mindset or a growth mindset? Is it telling you that you’ll never make it? Or is it telling you that this is an opportunity to sharpen your skills.
Begin to speak to yourself as you would speak to a friend if they were in the same situation. Use the same compassion on yourself as you would with another person. It may feel difficult or uncomfortable at first, but growth can sometimes feel that way and that’s okay. Practice using the growth mindset voice as often as you can and feel your brain and your life start to change.
Practice Mindfulness
What is mindfulness? Mindfulness is non-judgemental present awareness of sensations, thoughts, feelings, etc. around us and within us. It can help us build resiliency (the ability to bounce back during hardship) and develop emotional regulation. When life hits you with a couple of setbacks, mindfulness can anchor you to the present and operate from a place of “respond” and not “react”. This is an important part of building up a growth mindset because you’ll be able to adequately notice your inner voice and correct it accordingly to help build you up and not tear you down.
Learn more about Perfectionism Treatment.
Me Again Collective is an Ontario based virtual therapy practice for adults. We treat anxiety, burnout, self-esteem, perfectionism and more and offer psychotherapy that is collaborative, empathetic and effective. If you are ready to feel freedom, relief, and fulfilment book a free consultation with Me Again Collective HERE
ReferencesTao W, Zhao D, Yue H, Horton I, Tian X, Xu Z and Sun H-J (2022) The Influence of Growth Mindset on the Mental Health and Life Events of College Students. Front. Psychol. 13:821206. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2022.821206Yeager, D. S., & Dweck, C. S. (2012). Mindsets That Promote Resilience: When Students Believe That Personal Characteristics Can Be Developed. Educational Psychologist, 47(4), 302–314. https://doi.org/10.1080/00461520.2012.722805
About the Author
Jackie Ponomariov, MSW, RSW, is the founder of Me Again Collective. She loves working with driven and ambitious professionals and specializes in CBT, DBT, and somatic therapies.
